


War Hands

by Renier (orphan_account)



Category: The Hurt Locker (2008)
Genre: Death, F/M, War, War violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-22
Updated: 2013-10-22
Packaged: 2017-12-30 04:13:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1013961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Renier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No matter how bad the day, just take them one at a time.  If you're still alive, that's all that matters.  WillXOFC transferred from my account on FF.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey ya'll! This story was originally posted on FanFiction under the same title. Thanks for taking the time to read it (if you do) and let me know how much I did or did not fail.

“Eldridge, you messin’ with my vees again?” Tess slammed the driver’s door and the younger man scrambled out from under the vehicle.

“The breaks were squeaky.” He said wiping his hands off on a rag.

“That’s always your excuse.” She responded.

“Well maybe if you did your job a little bit better…”

“Owen.” They both turned to see the doc striding towards them. “Lets talk.” He said. Tess watched as he threw the rag over a toolbox and walked off with the doctor. She didn’t move as she tried to keep her anger in check.

“You know he’s just lookin’ for something to mess with.” Her commanding officer said squeezing her shoulder. “He’s just a little jumpy. He’s not right.” She just stood with arms crossed glaring a hole into Eldridge’s retreating back.

“Or he doesn’t trust me.” She said turning to the older man.

“Don’t start on that again Tess.” She brushed past him to climb under the humvee. 

“On what, sir?” It was barely a question when she said it.

“You know what.” He responded getting down on his knees so he could see her. She was silent as she picked up the wrench Eldridge had been using; making sure that everything he had been messing with was tightened down. “Just let it go.”

“Just let it go?” She exclaimed climbing out from under the Humvee. “He’s a sexist asshole!”

“I know, just let. It. Go.” He responded enunciating the words for emphasis. “You are one of the finest mechanics we have here, alright?” She just nodded and picked up the rag off the toolbox.

“Thanks Grange.” Just then a Humvee pulled into the base’s garage and a few men got out. Two of them carried duffel bags. Duffel bags meant new guys. She watched as a commanding officer greeted them and herded them out of the garage.

“One of those sorry sons-a-bitches is replacing Thompson.” Grange said once they were out of the garage. Tess didn’t respond, just climbed back under the humvee.

A few hours later Tess got to know one of the new recruits much better, seeing as she needed to show him around.

“What’s your name?” She asked the young boy now following her through the garage.

“Callahan, Sir.” She rolled her eyes, which luckily he couldn’t see.

“Your first name?” She asked turning around.

“Trace, Sir.” He seemed a little nervous, and a little uneasy about calling her ‘Sir’.

“Alright Trace, you can call me Tess. Everyone else does. Or Taylor, which is my last name. And drop the ‘Sir’ crap it bugs me just as much as it bugs you.” He smiled a little and they walked on through the garage. She showed him where everything was supposed to be… and where everything usually ended up, which was not the same place. He seemed to relax after a while.

At dinner she sort of met the other newbie. ‘Sort of” because he was generally introduced to the whole table. His stare stayed on her a little longer when they introduced her, but she was used to it. Being one of three women on the base, and the only one working a mechanic’s job made her stick out like a sore thumb. At this point in her career it didn’t throw her anymore though, unless she ran into an ass like Eldridge.

“So we got a couple of new guys today.” Regina, her bunkmate, knew everything that went on in the base somehow. 

“Yeah, how’d you know?” Tess asked. Regina flipped on her cot to face her.

“I had to examine them, make sure they were all in order, you know, medical stuff.”

“Right.” Tess got into her cot and flipped off the desk lamp between them. And that concluded day 50 of her 365-day tour in Baghdad.


	2. Chapter 2

About two weeks later Tess was working under one of the humvees just doing a routine check before the guys were to take it out the next day. When she heard someone walking towards the vehicle she didn’t think much of it. Then it caught her attention when the driver’s door opened. She looked over to see someone standing there. What the hell is this guy doing?

Then she watched as he got into the vehicle. Shit! She quickly scrambled out from under the humvee and hit the wrench on the front grill. The man in the vee looked up at her slightly surprised.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing!?” She yelled at him, still in front of the vee. She watched as he held up a pair of gloves.

“I left my gloves.” He said and after a moment, when Tess didn’t respond, he got out of the cab. She was staring at him with an anger that could cook eggs.

“You need a little help understanding garage protocol.” She said once he shut the driver’s side door.

“I do?” He said almost smirking. She wanted to slap him.

“Yes, you do. When you have any business with a vehicle in a garage you make sure that no one is underneath it before you start messin around.”

“Oh.” He said after a pause. 

“Yeah, oh.” She responded and she turned to put some tools back in the toolbox. “I’ve seen men run over by those vees. Seen their hands, arms, crushed because some one didn’t check before rollin’ them out.”

“I didn’t mean to scare you I just needed my gloves.” Tess sighed. 

“No worries.” She said, letting it go. “I’m Tess, by the way.” She said taking off her glove and sticking out her hand.

“Will James.” He responded, shaking her hand. 

“You’re the new Bravo Company leader, right?”

“Yep.” Tess nodded and put her glove back on.

“You got anywhere to be just now?” She asked him.

“No ma’am.”

“Wanna help me with something?” She asked, popping the hood of the humvee. 

“Sure.”

“Great. Get in the cab and fire her up.” Will did and Tess leaned over the humvee, making sure everything looked and sounded all right. “Is it in neutral?” She yelled over the purr of the engine.

“Yeah!” He yelled back after she heard the clink of the gearshift.

“Alright, give her some gas.” The engine roared and then died back down. She moved to the other side of the vee and he pumped the gas again. “Alright that’s good! Shut her down!” She yelled over the engine. It sputtered out and she dropped the hood. Will got out of the cab. “Thanks.” She said taking off her gloves and looking at her watch.

“No problem.”

“James!” Will and Tess looked over to the garage door to see Sanborn running towards them. “We got a hot one at the UN building.”

“Alright.” James said. He turned to Tess as Sanborn got in the humvee. “It was nice meeting you.”

“You too.” With that he got in the vehicle and they pulled out of the garage. Ten minutes later a humvee was towed into the garage with a broken axel. It was going to be a long day.

 

Tess flopped down on her bunk and closed her eyes. The broken Axel fix had gone better than planned. Turned out Trace was a pretty good mech. even if he was young. She was still beat though. Twenty minutes later Regina came in and took a long drink from a water bottle.

“You are pissed off about something.” Tess said sitting up. Usually her bunkmate was pretty chipper and would be smiling and saying hello when she came in the room. The bottle crinkled back into place when she was done drinking.

“It’s that new guy, James.”

“He seemed pretty nice to me…” Tess said.

“Yeah, nice is fine, crazy is not.” She said. She sat down on her bunk with a huff.

“What are you talking about?”

“He just endangered the lives of his team. I don’t like it when these macho soldiers think they can screw protocol. I’m the one who has to deal with the aftermath.”

“Wait, wait, wait. What did he do exactly?”

“They went to clear out the bombs at the UN building. Turns out they were in the trunk of a car. So he went in there to look at them. After he saw the bombs he decided he was going to take off the bomb suit and go at it without even a Kevlar on for Christ sakes.” She paused and ran a hand through her hair. “Then to make it worse he didn’t leave it alone once the building was cleared so the engineers could take care of it and then he took his headset off. He wouldn’t even communicate with the rest of his team.”

“Well are they alright?” Tess asked.

“Yeah they’re fine. But that crazy idiot could have gotten them killed.”

“Sounds like he’s got problems.”

“Yeah well he better clear them up quick. I don’t want his problems landing his men with me.” With that Regina grabbed her stuff and headed for the showers. Tess rolled back over on her bunk and passed out. Day 64 came to a close.


	3. Chapter 3

It was a slow day in the garage. All the humvees were up on their inspections and there were no recent breakdowns. There wasn’t even an oil change to do. Tess took off her hat and wiped the sweat from her brow. It was ungodly hot out in Baghdad. She often wondered how the women wore those burkas in this environment. She would never make it in one of those.

“Tess!” She looked up towards the stalls where the vendors sold to the soldiers. Will was waving her down as he stood next to the little kid who always sold DVDs.

“What’s up?”

“I bet Beckham five bucks that he couldn’t keep me from putting this ball in that goal.” He said pointing to the makeshift soccer field at the edge of the base. “He said that if I got another guy it would be fair.”

“Yeah, I said another guy, she is not a guy.”

“What, afraid I might score?” Tess asked the kid.

“Alright fine, your five bucks, man.” Beckham said as he threw the ball at Will. On the centerline they turned their backs to the boy.

“What’s our strategy?” Tess asked him.

“You play soccer?” He asked.

“Today, man! Come on!” Beckham yelled at them.

“A little in high school. You?”

“Never. You're shooting but we’ll go back and forth so he won’t see it comin’”

“Alright.” They turned and Beckham was ready at the goal.

“Not getting any younger!” Beckham yelled. Tess smiled as Will started down the field. Tess followed and they kicked the ball back and forth. Beckham, watching them intently, crouched ready for the shot. When they got close Tess kicked the ball as hard as she could towards the goal. Beckham dove for it and missed. Tess threw her hands up in the air in victory.

“The sun was in my eyes!” Beckham exclaimed as he ran after the ball.   
“That cost you a dollar buddy!” Will yelled after him. “Four more tries.” Beckham kicked the ball back to them. They went 4 more rounds and Beckham blocked 3 out of 5.

“Not bad, kid.” Will said giving him three bucks.

“If the sun wasn’t…”

“Yeah, yeah, the sun, sure.” Will said turning him back towards the stall. “Get back to work. Break’s over.” Beckham ran back to the stall and started heckling again.

“Why are you so nice to the kid?” Tess asked as they walked back to the main building of the base.

“He didn’t ask to be born here, just tryin to help him. That’s all.”

“You have a kid of your own don’t you?” She said, guessing on a hunch.

“Yeah.” Tess knew she should keep her mouth shut but she couldn’t help asking the next question.

“Then why do you put yourself in harms way so much, throwing protocol out the window?”

“I—“ He was cut off by Grange jogging up to her.

“We’re going out.” He said.

“What’s going on?”

“One of the vees got hit. Freak bullet made it under the hood somehow and mucked up some stuff. Command says it’s too hot to try and tow out.”

“So they want us to do a patch up job.” Grange nodded.

“Go get your gear.” He said and jogged back to the garage. Tess started for her bunk. 

“You ever been out in the field?” Will asked as he walked with her.

“No.” She said. She was a little nervous, but then again she had always felt guilty about the other guys on the base going out and her always being so protected. “But this’ll be good, get some combat experience in, ya know?”

“Just keep your head down.” He warned her.

“This coming from you?” She said over her shoulder because he had stopped walking. He just shrugged. She grabbed her gear out of her bunk and put on her Kevlar vest and gloves. Carrying her gun and helmet she jogged back to the garage where Grange was loading up a Jeep with tools and parts they might need. She strapped on a tool belt and hopped into the Jeep. On the way there Grange went over a few things with her.

“The guys that are already there will be covering us. You got your Kevlar on?” Tess nodded. “We need to go in there, find out what’s going on, fix it, and get out. You need to focus on the humvee and only the humvee. Don’t worry about the rooftops or any bystanders, leave that to the guys alright?” Tess nodded again. “We just get in and get out.” She was quiet. “You nervous?”

“Little bit.” She said squinting one eye and holding up her thumb and index finger showing Grange the ‘little bit’ of fear. Grange just chuckled and drove on down the road. They passed a few other outfits as they came back from their posts throughout the city. Turning down a side street the humvee came into view. They pulled up behind it and got out of the Jeep.

“Sgt. Daniels.” One of the men introduced himself as they came over to the humvee. “Sorry to pull you off base, I know you guys are pretty comfy there.”

“Nah, we’re giddy with excitement.” Grange said sarcastically. They popped the hood quickly and started looking for the problem.

“The block looks fine.” Tess said trying to keep her mind on the work and not look at the numerous civilians on the rooftops. They really did make her nervous just standing there watching her.

“I’ll go try and start her up, see if you can see anything.” Grange said walking to the side of the humvee. Her heart rate quickened when he left, she felt a lot more exposed to her surroundings. She heard Grange put his foot on the break and then she heard the starter, but the engine didn’t turn. He tried again. The fuel wasn’t making it to the engine somehow. She started to look for the line and found it once Grange reappeared. 

“I think it’s the fuel line.” Grange said.

“Already on top of it.” she said reaching into the vee and locating the line. She brought her hand back and it was covered in gasoline. “It feels like it’s just got a hole in it, maybe we can just patch it long enough to get it out of hostile territory and we can replace the line later.”

“I’ll go get some duct tape.” Grange said. He left again and she again felt exposed. She reached in to re-find the leak when a shot rang out. Before she realized it she was on the ground gasping for air. More shots were fired and she started coughing. Another soldier was at her side.

“Where are you hit?” He asked over the gunfire. Tess put her hand to her side and she could feel a rip in the covering of her Kevlar but it had stopped the bullet.

“We’ve gotta get outta here now!” Another soldier yelled. Grange was already back and trying to get to the leaking hose. It was a tight squeeze. Tess slowly got to her feet and grabbed the tape from Grange.

“Taylor, get back in the Jeep. You’re injured.” He said looking at her arm, which was bleeding. She must have caught it on something in the vee when she fell.

“I got it, Sir.” She said, knowing it would go quicker if she did it. Her arms were smaller and she could maneuver more easily in the awkward space.

“Here. Put this piece of hose over the hole and then tape over it.” He handed her the small section of hose that he had cut off from a spare. A few more shots were fired. She did the job and gave the thumbs up to the humvee driver. He tuned the key and they heard the starter, but the engine wouldn’t turn. He tried again with the same results.

“Give her a little gas!” Grange yelled and the engine roared to life. “Let’s move!” Sgt. Daniels yelled and Tess started hobbling back towards the Jeep. Suddenly someone was at her side and helping her.

“I’m the medic, I’m coming with you!” He yelled as more shots were fired. Tess just nodded and opened the back door of the Jeep sliding to the other side as the medic got in next to her. Grange fired up the engine and followed the Humvee out of hostile territory and back towards the camp.

“Let’s see what’s going on.” The medic said looking at her arm.

“My side.” Tess grimaced and started un-velcroing the Kevlar vest. The medic helped her out of it with only one painful yelp from Tess and then pulled up her shirt to inspect the damage.

“Deep bruising, probably a fractured rib. No serious brakes though. That Kevlar saved your life.” Tess was relieved to hear that it wasn’t as bad as it felt. She picked up the Kevlar vest and gave it a kiss earning a chuckle from the medic, who was back to looking at her arm. Some alcohol and a couple of butterfly bandages later she was feeling a bit better.

When they got back to base Grange stopped the Jeep outside the med. center. Tess slowly got out of the car with the medic.

“Hey, Taylor!” Grange yelled out of the window. “Nice work!” Tess threw him a quick salute and hobbled into the building. The medic guided her over to a bed and told her to lie down.

“Oh my god!” It was Regina, Tess could tell without even looking. “Girl, what did you do?” Her bunkmate asked, hovering over her. 

“Ah, I got called out. Shot in the side. I’m thanking God for my Kevlar as we speak.” Tess said pointing to her injured side. Regina took a look at it. 

“Boy that is one nasty looking bruise.” She said. “Tell me if this hurts.” Regina said and then she gently pushed on Tess’s side.

“AH! Yes, Reg, that defiantly hurts.” Regina moved a little farther up her side and pushed again. “OW! Damnit, what do you have to go poking at it for?!” Tess yelled. 

“Oh, stop being such a baby.” Regina said. “Come on, we’re gonna need an x-ray.” 

“Oh, joy!” Tess said sarcastically as she slowly got up off the bed. They took the x-ray and it showed a fracture in her 9th rib. They put some tape over the area to restrict movement and gave her a sling so her arm wouldn’t move too much and upset the fracture. Luckily it wasn’t to bad a break.

“Now go back and sleep, don’t do anything for the rest of the day. Doctors orders.” Regina said handing her a bottle of pain relievers.

“Yes, Sir.” She said and headed out the door. Halfway to the bunks she realized that she still had her tool belt on so she turned on her heel and headed for the garage. When she got to the garage she walked past Grange who was unloading the Jeep. “I get the rest of the day off Grange.” She said, plunking the tool belt on the worktable.

“I know, go sleep.” He said. “How bad is it?”

“Just a fracture. I should be able to do some stuff tomorrow if I take enough of these babies.” She said shaking the pill bottle.

“Whoa. What happened to you?” Trace said coming out from under the humvee that she had done the patch job on. The one that had gotten her shot at.

“Took a slug to the side doing that stupid patch job.” She said pointing to the humvee. “Got a fractured rib.”

“Badass.” Trace said with a big smile on his face. He was such a kid.

“Yeah, just get back to work greenie.” She said and left the garage. Back in the bunkroom she shut the blinds on the windows and took off the sling. Sitting down on her bunk she tried to unlace her boots, but there was no way she was bending over that far. She popped a couple of pills and settled into her bed, boots and all. It was 3 in the afternoon and she was out like a light. She didn’t get up until 11 the next day.


	4. Chapter 4

“Ah! The wounded gazelle limps across the Serengeti!” A few whistles and hoots broke out as she entered the Garage the next morning. She waved them off with the arm not trussed up in the sling.

“Thanks so much for that announcement Grange.” He just smiled at her.

“How you feelin’?”

“Eh, not as good as yesterday. It’s all stiff now, ya know?”

“Yeah well, you’re not doin anything heavy today. You’re playin nurse.”

“How’s that?”

“I say wrench you hand me a wrench.”

“Awe, come on! Don’t you have anything more interesting to do?”

“Nope, not unless you want to clean up the garage?” He was getting way to much enjoyment from this.

“No. Okay I’ll help you out.” For the next three hours she was going back and forth between toolboxes, humvees, and the spare parts storage getting everyone what they needed to do their jobs. She stopped at 2 o’clock and popped another pill.

“Hey, go easy on those things.” Grange said as she swallowed it down. “Why don’t you take a break?”

“I’m fine Grange, I don’t need a break.”

“Don’t care if you need one or not, go take one.”

“You don’t need to baby me, it's just a broken rib.”

“Tess.” He looked at her seriously. “I am not babying you. If any one of the other guys in this garage were in the same situation I would tell them the same thing.”

“Alright.” She said only half convinced.

“I want you back here in a half hour!” Grange yelled after her as she left the garage. She adjusted the sling strap around her neck and looked up at the sky. Not a cloud in sight. It was just constantly sunshine around here and she was starting to hate it. When she got to the stalls Beckham kicked the ball towards her. She stopped it with her foot and kicked it back without much zeal.

“What happened to your arm?” He asked her.

“It’s not my arm it’s my rib.” She said pointing to her side. “I got shot yesterday.” She was getting a little tired of answering the question.

“Hey man! You hear that! She got shot!” He called over her shoulder. She turned around to see Will.

“Didn’t I tell you to keep your head down?” He said staring at the sling.

“My head was down, hell it was under the hood of a Humvee, James.”

“How come you’re not dead?” Beckham asked.

“I had Kevlar on. It stopped the bullet.”

“What did it feel like?” He pried on.

“What did it feel like? It hurt, that’s what it felt like.” She snapped. She hadn’t meant to be so short with him. He was a kid, he was going to ask questions. She was tense because she realized what a life and death situation she had been in. Had that gunman aimed any higher, she might not be standing here right now.

“Beckham, I want another DVD.” Will said cutting in. “And this one better not be shaky, alright?” They walked off and Tess went and leaned against the wall. She felt a little shaky herself and blamed it on the pills. A foot higher and they’d be shipping my body to my mother. She kept thinking that thought over and over.

“You alright?” Will asked, breaking her thoughts. He had a DVD in his hand.

“Yeah. I’m fine. Just a little light headed, you know. From the pills.” She said taking them out of her pocket and giving them a little shake.

“Uh-huh.” Will said unconvinced.

“Have you ever been shot?” She asked him.

“No, not yet.” She looked away. “Got a good dose of shrapnel from a frag though.” She looked back at him. “Put me out for a month.”

“Did you…” She paused, struggling with her thoughts. “Did you ever think about where they would send your body… had you died?” Will nodded.

“Yup. Shouldn’t think about it though. You’re alive, that’s all that matters.”

“Right, doesn’t matter that a foot higher and they’d be shipping my body to my mother.”

“You know what I mean.” He said.

“What did you buy?” She said looking at the DVD, trying to change the subject. She didn’t want to think about it any more.

“Kung Pow, Enter the Fist.” He said turning the box around. Tess started laughing uncontrollably. She and her brother loved that movie. “That funny, huh?” She grabbed her side as it was engulfed by a wave of pain. She still laughed though. “We’ll probably watch it in the main building tonight. You should come. After being shot at anyone needs a good laugh.”

“Okay.” She said after composing herself. “That sounds good. I’m gonna get some chow, I’ll see ya later.” She walked away still laughing slightly.

That night she gathered Regina and they went down to the main building where most of the guys had already gathered. She sat down next to Trace.

“How’s the… What did Grange call you? A gazelle?” Trace asked poking her sling.

“Yeah a gazelle.” Tess chuckled. “I’m alright.” She said. They fired up the movie and everyone whooped as the screen lit up, excited that they had some form of entertainment. Once the movie started Will sat next to her.

“Remind me to thank Beckham.” The movie started and the laughter followed. The absurdity of the film made them forget that they were at war for a little, and that was enough for them. When the film was over everyone started filing out of the main building.

“Look at this kid.” She said pointing to trace who had fell asleep. She smacked his forehead and he almost fell out of the chair. “Come on greenie, show’s over.”

“What?” He said looking around sleepily. “I missed it!” He exclaimed.

“Eh, you’ll see it again sometime.” She said as he got up and followed the other guys out the door. Will stood in front of her and held out his hand. She took it and got up slowly. “God I feel like an old woman!” She said.

“Eh, it won’t last long.” They left the building and walked towards the bunks. Tess stopped at the building behind it. “Calling home?” Will asked her.

“My brother, after watching that it feels wrong not to.” she said leaning against the door.

“Now I know where the phone is.” Will said peering into the room.

“You haven’t called your wife since you’ve been here?” Usually the guys leapt at the chance to call their loved ones as much as they could.

“I’m… not married.” He said holding up his hand. No ring.

“Oh.” Tess paused. She had assumed that since he had a son he was married. “I need to stop assuming things. You know what hey say about when you assume…” Will chuckled.

“No, I used to be married. It’s a long story.” Tess just nodded. “I’ll see ya.” He said and turned towards the bunks. She watched him go. He was an unsolvable mystery to her sometimes. She let it go and went in the room. Signing her name on the list hanging on the wall she picked up the phone. As she dialed the number for her brother’s house she walked outside and leaned against the metal wall of the building. The cold sensation on her back was a welcome feeling in the warm, dry night.

“Hello?”

“Hey Harvey. It’s Tess.” She waited for the message to bounce off the satellite and back down to her brother in North Carolina. After a few seconds his response came through.

“Tessa! How’s Baghdad these days?”

“Swell. Just as welcoming as usual. How’s Kate?”

“She’s doing fine, 5 months into the pregnancy and looking healthy.” Tess smiled.

“I’m glad to hear it! And how’s the terrible twos treating you?”

“Terrible! Brad screamed all day yesterday because mommy wasn’t home. Sometimes I wonder if he’ll ever grow out of it. He misses you, you know…”

“I know.” She said quietly, she thought maybe her brother couldn’t have heard it until.

“Tess, are you alright?”

“No.” She admitted. She had to tell someone back home what happened, just not her mother. “Harv I got shot the other day. I had a Kevlar on so I’m alright.” She paused. “It just scared me, made me think, ya know?”

“You got shot?” He asked dazed.

“Don’t tell mom. I’ll tell her when I get back just don’t tell her now. Next thing you know she’ll be buying a ticket over here to drag me home.” Tess said with a little laugh.

“I won’t tell her.” Her brother responded. “Were you hurt?” He asked.

“Fractured rib, but otherwise I’m fine.”

“I wish you were done and back home, I worry about you.”

“I’ll be home before you know it. Hey,” She tried changing the subject. “Watched Kung Pow today.” Her brother laughed.

“What do you get when you cross an owl and a bungee cord?”

“My ass.” She said completing the line from the movie. She missed her brother terribly, but talking to him made her feel a lot closer to home. After another ten minutes she had to let him go, her time was limited on the long distance phone. He told her to be careful more than three times before she hung up. Sighing she made her way back to the bunk and climbed into bed, this time able to get her shoes off if she held her breath.


	5. Chapter 5

A few weeks later there was a scramble on base. Bravo Company had gone out to do some test explosives and they weren’t back. It was getting close to sundown, they were supposed to be back hours ago and they were radio silent. Regina was ordered to stay in the med. Building in case there were any injuries when they returned. Tess decided to stick with her just to see what had happened to the guys.

She couldn’t explain it but she felt nervous for them. Most of the time when a company was late she didn’t feel like this, but then again Bravo Company was the company she was closest to, being assigned to their humvee and all. Then again she knew it was more than that. She was scared that she might not see them again. Sure, Eldridge was an ass, but she new he was having a hard time here. Sanborn was a nice enough guy and Will… Okay, she had to admit she had a soft spot for him. She wasn’t in love with him or anything, but he seemed to be a genuine person. She gave up thinking about it before she dug too deep into her emotions. She liked to keep those sealed away as deep down inside her as possible.

An hour after sundown Bravo Company came through the front gate. Tess ran over to the garage after the humvee pulled in. She watched as the guys got out followed by 2 others. They looked beat and were covered in dirt and sweat. She passed Will on her way in.

“You guys alright?”

“Been better, but were okay.” He said, his voice hoarse. She let him go and went to check on the humvee. Trace was already there.

“Hey greenie. What’s it look like?”

“They said there shouldn’t be much wrong except for some clean up on the inside. Guy took a shot to the neck on the 50. Medical already unloaded the bodies.” Tess paused.

“Well, we better jump on cleanup then.” She got out some supplies and a hose. Trace didn’t move. “What’s the matter Callahan?”

“I’ve never had to clean out a humvee before.” He said. “I’m not that good with blood. That’s why I’m a mechanic.”

“Alright.” She said taking off her sling. “Don’t worry about it Trace. I’ll pull out the equipment and stuff in the back, and you can wipe it down, not as much blood there usually.” She opened the back humvee door. There was good amount of blood on the center consol and down onto the floor. She had never had much of a problem with small amounts of blood, but puddles of it threw her sometimes. She stepped back for a minute before trying to unload some of the equipment.

“You okay?” Trace asked her. She had her hand up to her mouth and was swallowing over and over trying to force the gag reflex back. She nodded. After a few seconds she was unloading equipment, placing it on the floor of the garage.

“Here.” She said, handing Trace a rag. “Use this and the cleaning solution in this bottle. Wipe everything down.” He nodded and took the rag starting on the crowbar. She turned back to the vee. She could smell the blood and she wasn’t even up close. When she was pulling out the equipment she had held her breath but there was no way she could hold it long enough to hose down the vee. She took a piece of gum out of her pocket. “You want some?” She asked waving the packet at Trace. “Sometimes the mint knocks out some of the blood smell.” She said tossing him the pack.

Hosing down the humvee was an annoying job. You had to be careful not to get the water everywhere, but you still had to hose out all the blood. Getting it off the middle console was easy, and the doors too. But when it came to the seats you had to do some scrubbing. While she was in the middle of getting some spatter of the back of the front seat another mechanic came in and helped her with the back seat. The body had fallen so that half of the blood pooled on the seat and spilled over onto the floor.

After a couple hours of scrubbing and hosing there was nothing to do but let the vehicle air out. Trace didn’t look any worse for the ware and Tess found that cleaning out the vee was easier than last time… but there was no way it was ever going to be easy. She wondered how Regina handled the amount of blood she did. Tess made a mental note to thank her for her services when she saw her later. Spitting out her gum she grabbed her hat and left the garage, ready for some much needed sleep.

“Hell no.” She heard a voice as she was walking past some bunks. She looked up to see will standing in the door of Sanborn’s bunk. As he came down the stairs he noticed Tess.

“Late night?” He asked her.

“Yeah, I was cleaning the blood out of your vee.”

“Oh.”

“Who got shot?”

“I don’t know the guy. Some British dude named Chris. We were helping them out when we were sniped.” They started walking towards their bunks. She noticed that his speech was a little slurred and he was walking pretty slowly.

“What were a bunch of British guys doing out in the middle of the desert?”

“Bounty hunters.” He answered.

“Ah, I see.” They walked a few more paces and he stumbled a little. Tess grabbed his arm so he wouldn’t fall over. “Have you been drinking soldier?”

“Maybe a little.” He answered looking down at her, his eyes slightly glazed. She let go of his arm but he grabbed hers and pulled her to him. Swiftly he stooped down and kissed her. It was a few seconds before she pushed him away and he stumbled a little more.

“What the hell, James?” He just smiled like a little kid and laughed. She blamed it on the alcohol and brushed it off. “Come on, let’s get you back to your bunk before you hurt yourself.” She said pushing him towards his bunk. “Or before I hurt you.” She added. When they got there her turned to her.

“Sure you don’t want to come in?” The smirk on his face was huge.

“No I’m fine without that thanks.”

“Okay, but you’re missing out.”

“Go to sleep James.”

“Yes Ma’am!” He said saluting. She saluted back before heading to her bunk. Her thoughts turned to the soldier. Why had he done that? Sure he was drunk but was he just messing around or did he slip up. She felt a little guilty because she knew he still lived with his wife and that their relationship was a mess. She had found that out through base gossip and Regina. He wasn’t married though. She sighed and rolled her eyes. “Forget it.” She said out loud to herself but she couldn’t ignore the twist in her stomach that she felt when he kissed her.

Silently she slipped into the bunkroom, Regina was already asleep. She quietly changed and got into bed, vowing to forget about everything that happened that night because Will probably wouldn’t even remember in the morning. Day 80 of her tour was over.


	6. Chapter 6

A few weeks went by and she hadn’t seen much of Will. It may have been because she was avoiding him, or because he was avoiding her, or because the amount of work in the garage exploded. Either way she hadn’t seen him since the drunken incident and she was glad because she didn’t know exactly how she would handle it if he ever brought it up.

As she came into the mess hall there was a troubled energy in the air. She sat down next to Trace and Grange with her tray and they barely said anything. “What’s with the gloom and doom?” She asked, fearing that they had lost a company or something. Trace didn’t look at her.

“Bravo Company found something.” Grange said.

“Well that’s descriptive.” She retorted eating some pasta.

“They found a body bomb.” He said in anger. Tess put down her fork slowly. “A little kid, couldn’t be more than 13.”

“Assholes.” She growled pushing her tray away.

“James seemed really torn up when he got back. They said he was the one that found it and dug the bomb out of the kid.”

“He took the bomb out?” She asked. “Why didn’t he just blow the place?”

“I don’t know. Nobody really wanted to talk about it and I’m sure no one really wanted to ask James. He was livid.” Tess pulled her tray towards her and tried to eat again but found that the food made her stomach turn. She stood up with the tray without a word to the others and left the mess hall. She needed to work off the anger she had built inside of her.

Storming into the garage she found a humvee than needed some work. Most of the mechanics were at the mess hall so she fired up the radio and climbed under the vehicle. She felt safe there. She could shut herself off from the rest of the world and think about other things. No body bombs, no war, just her and the humvee. She spent most of the night under there. When she was walking back from the garage, it had to be at least 4 in the morning. As she walked up the steps to her bunk she heard Regina rushing around inside.

“Where’s the fire?” Regina looked at her bunkmate as she cautiously stepped though the door.

“Someone out of Bravo Company’s been shot.” Tess’s breath hitched.

“Who?” Tess’s heart nearly clawed out of her chest at the thought of will being dead.

“Don’t know yet.” Regina said as she headed out the door. ‘They’re on their way back now.”

“I’m coming with you.”

“You worried about Will?” Regina asked. Tess tried not to look shocked.

“Why would you think—“

“You guys are pretty close, I’ve seen you and him with that little Beckham kid.”

“Oh.” Tess automatically thought that Regina had seen or heard about the drunken incident. Tess thanked Jesus that that hadn’t gotten out. “Yeah, I guess we kind of are.”

“Don’t understand why.” Regina went on. “The man is crazy and sooner or later he’s gonna get himself or someone else killed.”

“I’m sure he has his reasons for doing what he does.”

“Are you defending him?” Regina said turning to her.

“Not really, just speculating.” Tess retorted, but she couldn’t help but think that maybe she was.

“Better watch it with a guy like him, girl. You’re liable to get yourself hurt.” Tess just rolled her eyes.

“I'm not marrying the man Regina. Cool off.” Regina put her hands up and didn’t speak any more on the subject.

Minutes later the Humvees came back through the gate. One of them pulled up to the med center and they opened the back to reveal a very irate and bloody Eldridge. Tess stuck around and helped carry the stretcher into the med center, but soon she and Sanborn were ushered away so they could start operating on his injured leg.

“What happened?” Sanborn sighed and shook his head.

“He got shot.”

“No, really?” She replied sarcastically. Sanborn turned an angry gaze on her.

“If you really want to know what happened ask James.” The amount of venom in his words was almost painful. Something definitely went wrong tonight.

“Where is he?” She asked.

“Last I saw he was hiking it to the showers.” Sanborn said before he sat down outside of the med building. A powerful bellow of pain came from inside the building. Tess decided to go looking for Will. As she approached the showers she steeled herself. She knew James was a time bomb, that the smallest thing might trigger him, especially after a high-tension situation like the one he just came out of. She stepped inside the bathroom and could hear water running. As she made her way down the row of showers she heard a thud and a bewildered yell.

“James?” She questioned. There was no response. Farther down she figured out which shower he was in. “James?” She asked again, not looking in yet, just in case. “Are you alright?”

“That you Tess?” He asked. He sounded calm but haunted. It made her shiver.

“Yeah, it’s me.” He didn’t respond. “You okay?”

“See for yourself.” She hesitantly peeked around the curtain to see Will sitting on the floor of the shower with all but his helmet still on. The water around him was dark with blood.

“Jesus, what happened to you?” She said moving farther into the stall.   
“It’s not my blood.” She then remembered the amount of blood seeping through the bandage on Eldridge’s leg.

“Eldridge?” Will just nodded. He hadn’t looked at her. He just stared at the corner of the shower slumped and defeated. She didn’t like seeing him like this, didn’t want to.

“Come on, get up soldier.” She said picking his helmet up off the floor and placing it on the seat outside the shower. She turned to Will who was gazing at her in vague confusion. She grabbed the top of his vest and gave it a yank. Reluctantly he stood and she inspected him. “Let’s get this gear off, huh?” She undid the Velcro and straps on the Kevlar and helped him take it off. When she turned back to him he was looking at his hands. The gloves were still on and they were covered in blood.

“It’s my fault.” He said. “All of it.” His voice was stronger now but it was low and dark. It scared Tess a little. “Damnit!” He slammed the side of his fist into the side of the shower and Tess jumped. Breathing heavily, Will stood for a minute bracing himself between the shower walls. Slowly Tess reached out and took his hand. She undid the Velcro on the back of the glove and pulled it off. When she did she looked at his hand, inspected it. There were scars and fresh cuts and dirt under his nails that looked like it would never leave. They were hands that knew work. Tess wrung out the water and blood from the glove. Will did the same with the other and handed it to her.

“Is your bunk unlocked?” She asked. He just nodded. She gathered up his gear. “Rinse off.” She said before leaving. When she got to his bunk she hung the gear over the chair to dry and placed it by the open window. Why am I doing this? She asked herself. Did she really care for him that much? She sighed. Yeah… yeah I do. She knew she was getting into a mess and she hated that, but at the same time she didn’t care. Soon she heard his heavy footfalls on the steps outside the door. When he came in he held his jacket and shirt in his hand.

Scars. Tess froze and stared at his chest for a while. “Frag grenade.” She stated. Will just stood there, like stone; cold, unmovable and strong. “You change, I’ll wait outside…” She paused, “unless you want me to leave.” He just shook his head no. Minutes later he was in dry clothes and she was back inside. He sat on his bed and she on the table in silence.

“Bad day?” She asked finally. He chuckled but it was empty and tired.

“Yeah. Bad day.” He put his elbows on his knees and rubbed his hand over his face. 

“War makes days bad.” She said quietly.

“And so do half-assed plans.” He responded. “They make days really bad.”

“What, you planned for Eldridge to get shot?”

“No, I didn’t plan for anyone to get shot.” He stood up and paced a little.

“You didn’t plan any of this, James.”

“Yes I did. It's my fault.” He turned to her. The anger boiling in him gave his voice life again. “If it wasn’t for me Eldgride would be fine right now… not lying on a gurney bleeding out!” He stood in anger and started pacing the room.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“We went to check a suicide bombing not terrorist hunt, didn’t we?” His anger was rising. “I just had to find them. Now Eldgrige has a fucking bullet in his leg.”

“Will, calm down.” He continued pacing. “Will, please?”

“Shut up!” He turned on Tess and she froze. He didn’t swing at her or reach for her, but he scared her more than ever.

“I’ll go. I don’t think I’m helping.” She made for the door but Will took her hand and stopped her. It was gentle. If she kept walking she would have pulled right out of his hand. She turned towards him and he looked calmer. She wasn’t used to him swinging back and forth like this.

“I’m sorry.” He looked at her, held her gaze for the first time that night as if he hadn’t noticed she was there before. “Don’t go.” 

Shit. She thought. Whatever was going on between her and Will was becoming something more than friendship… and she didn’t know what to do about it. She didn’t love him, that wasn’t it; of course it could eventually lead there if she didn’t get off the path she was on. It was more of a need. She needed him to be alright and not fall apart because if he did she felt like she would probably lose it too. She was becoming dependent, and it scared her a bit. But she wasn’t about to leave him alone.

He still had her hand and he gently pulled her back to him. She put her cheek to his chest as his arms folded around her and a strong feeling of safety washed over her. “Eldridge is gonna be fine.” She said quietly. “He may have a bum leg but he still has his life.” Will’s arms tightened around her. “That’s not the only thing that’s wrong, is it?” He pulled away from her and turned towards the wall. He ran a hand over his mouth.

“Beckham’s dead.”

“What?!” She almost screamed. How could he be dead?

“The body bomb…” he stated. She paused. No, it couldn’t have been him. Beckham came in a half hour after James had been called out to that site.

“It wasn’t him.”

“It was.”

“No, Will…”

“You weren’t there! You didn’t see him!” She stood her ground this time.

“No! He was here! He came on the base a half hour after you left. It couldn’t have been him.” She watched as he took in the news.

“He did?” She shook her head vigorously. He smiled for a spilt second, but then it was gone. “Still.” They were both silent again thinking about the poor kid who went through that brutality. Will sat down again on the bed slumped and tired. Tess walked around behind him and kneeled on the bed. She never knew how to give a massage, nor had she ever really tried, but he mother used to rub her shoulders sometimes and it always made her feel better.

“I think you did the right thing.” She said starting to rub Will’s shoulders. He sat up straighter and rolled his shoulders.

“How’s that?”

“Taking the bomb out instead of blowing the place.” He stiffened a little from the memory. “You’ve got a heart in there, even if people don’t think you do.” He was silent as she rubbed his shoulders and down his back a little then back up. He grabbed her hand and pulled it around in front of him. She leaned on his back and looked over his shoulder as he examined her hand.

“Not very pretty, are they?” She asked him. She looked at the scar that ran from the space between her finger and thumb and an inch over the back of her hand. The nails were chipped and there was grease under them that would never come out. She was going to have arthritis before she was fifty, she could tell by looking at the knuckles.

“I like ‘em.” He responded. She snorted. “Working hands are good.” He said. She smiled.

“I couldn’t agree more.” They sat there for a while, her leaning on his back with their heads together. “I should go. You need to sleep.” She stood and walked around the bed. “Thank you.” He said quietly.

“Don’t thank me.” She said, turning around at the door. “I don’t need it.” She smiled at him. “Good night, Will.”

“Night Tess.” She left out into the cool night air. As she walked back to her bunk she couldn’t help but smile to herself. She felt happy, well, happy as circumstances would permit. She felt different, kind of like she was floating.

“Uhg, God, you’re like a little school girl. Shake it off!” She said to herself. She knew she was smiling like an idiot. “I’m tired, that’s why.” She retired to her bunk and slept like a baby.


	7. Chapter 7

“It’ll be good for him.” He said in the garage.

“But he’s so new, you sure it's a good idea? I mean look what happened last time.” Tess said.

“Just because you got shot, doesn’t mean I will Tess.” Trace said. He was already suited up and ready to go. “Besides you went last time, it’s my turn. I’d hate to see you get shot twice.”

“Hate to see you get shot at all.” She responded.

“We have to go.” Grange intoned.

“Alright, fine.” Tess caved. “Take care of the old man.” She said slapping Trace on the shoulder. Grange laughed.

“Watch it Taylor.” Tess watched them as they got in the jeep heading out to help with a tow out. They followed the truck in the Jeep as it bounced out of the garage. She heaved a sigh and got back to work. After an hour her stomach told her it was dinnertime and she headed over to the mess hall.

“Hey Reg.”

“Hey yourself.” She responded. They chatted as they ate about nothing in particular. Halfway through their meal they were interrupted.

“Reg!” Another medic came running towards them. “Reg, there was an IED. We’ve got wounded coming in.” Tess’s heart tightened. 

“Oh God no.” She followed Regina and the medic back to the med building just as a humvee came into the base. She stood out of the way knowing that they had the situation under control. She prayed that it wasn’t Trace or Grange. 

It didn’t work.

“Let’s go!” A medic screamed as he started pulling a stretcher out of the back of the vee. Tess looked on in horror as Grange went by, his jacket covered in blood. Tess started shaking. The next stretcher was pulled out and Tess put her hand to her mouth as Trace went by. How could this have happened? Of all the people why them?

She tried to go into the med building but a medic pushed her back telling her that the situation was to critical. She would have to wait. So she did. She sat outside the med center and watched the sun setting over the base wall.

Will walked by and noticed her. She didn’t even see him till he was right in front of her.

“You alright?”

“I don’t know.”

“What’s going on?” He sat down next to her right as Regina came out. Tess stood up, but didn’t say anything. She didn’t know if she wanted to hear the news.

“Trace is going to be fine. His arm is all messed up, but he’ll be discharged and sent home.” She said drinking some water. Will was silent.

“What about Grange?” 

“He’s…” Tess didn’t want to hear this. “He’s not too good. Took a lot of shrapnel to his torso.” Tess sank back down on the wall. “We’re doing everything we can but…” She was silent for a while. “I’ll let you know when you can see them.” With that Regina went back inside.

Will took Tess’s hand. Neither of them said anything or looked at each other or moved off the wall. They just watched the sun. Half an hour went by and Tess laid her head on Will’s shoulder and shut her eyes. She didn’t know if she was praying or just hoping, but her mind kept working on different words to try to explain what she wanted. Grange was like a second father to her and she knew she shouldn’t have let Trace go. He was only twenty years old and now… 

An hour later Regina emerged again. Tess stood immediately.

“How is he?” Tess was filled entirely with hope, trying to block out the despair that she knew could very well come. She watched Regina’s face. It was tired and blank. Her eyes slid from Tess to Will almost as if to tell him something first before she spoke.

“Tess honey…” Regina Paused looking for words.

“No.” Tess felt the hope disappear all at once. “Nu-uh.”

“Tess I’m so sorry. We couldn’t save him.” Tess put her hands on her head and her eyes pricked with tears. She started pacing back and forth.

“Not him. He had family. He had KIDS!” She yelled.

“I know.”

“Tess.” Will reached for her, but she hit his arm away.

“Fuck it!” She screamed. He shouldn’t have died. She should have gone, not Grange. He had family that needed him. Everything about this was wrong and worst of all she couldn’t fix it. Will reached for her again and this time she didn’t fight him off she just stopped. He put his arms around her and she rested her forehead on his shoulder. For a minute she stayed like this.

“You can go in and see Trace whenever you want.” She heard Regina’s voice next to her and felt her stroke her arm. Tess sniffed and turned her head.

“I’m sorry Regina.” She hadn’t meant to have a melt down like that.

“You’re not the first dear.” Regina said. She looked up at Will and nodded at him before going back in the building.

“God.” She whispered quietly before stepping back from Will. He brushed some hair from her face and wiped a tear away with his thumb. She just stared at his chest, lost in thought. 

“Hey.” She slowly looked up to him. “You should see to the greenie.” She just stared at him, still in minor shock. “Tess.” She blinked. “Go talk to the kid. He needs it.”

“Right.” She said quietly. “Thanks, Will.” Absently she turned around and shook her head.

Trace was attached to more wires than there were in the humvees. When she reached him his eyes were closed and one of them was badly swollen. There were cuts and bruises all over his skin and his right arm was wrapped in a thick layer of gauze. When she finally looked back up to his face his eyes were open.

“Hey greenie.” She said quietly. The thought suddenly struck her that he might not know about Grange yet.

“Don’t worry.” He said hoarsely, “I know he’s gone.” He must have read her face. “That explosion came out of no-where.” He croaked. “Before I knew it I was down and Grange…” He trailed off. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help him more Tess, really…” He swallowed hard.

“Hey, hey.” She said quietly, trying to calm him down. “He wasn’t your responsibility, hon, don’t start thinking like that.” She sat in the chair next to his bed and gently took his left hand. “I’m glad you made it.”

“Wish it was me instead of him.” He whispered back.

“Shh. Don’t say that.” She quieted him even though she had been thinking the same thing about herself five minutes ago. “This is how it goes, we can’t change it.”

“Fate.” He said shutting his eyes.

“Something like that.”

“Fuck fate.” He said, anger rising in his voice. “Fuck it.”

“Look on the bright side,” She started trying to pull him back out of the anger that was eating him. “You get to go home.”

“Yeah, lucky me.” He said bitterly.

Two days later she was standing under the whirring blades of a chopper as they strapped Trace into his seat.

“Give my regards to the U.S!” She yelled over the roar of the blades. And the door between them was slid shut. She ran out from under the chopper and watched as it rose gracefully into the sky. As she watched it go she felt sick. Grange and Trace had been like family to her. Now one was dead and the other was going home. None of the other men in the garage we as close to her as Trace and Grange had been and now two new men would be joining the ranks. She felt hollow. She turned around and saw Will standing next to the garage. At least he was still here. And then a thought crossed her mind. She walked over to him as quickly as she could and before he could say anything she grabbed him by the shirt and looked him dead in the eyes.

“No more risks.” She said in a low and almost threatening tone. “No more hot shot risks, alright bomb squad?” She had no idea what had gotten into her; she never reacted like this to anything. “Because I swear if you are the next person to go I will fall apart and never forgive you.” After that she let go of his shirt with a slight push to his chest and stormed into the garage. The hollow inside of her was replaced with a burning feeling that forced pressure up into her throat. Before she knew it she was standing in front of Grange’s toolbox. She would have to go through it and sort out his personal stuff from the things the army owned... she was the only one in the garage who knew him well enough.

She flipped open the lid and was ambushed by a picture of his wife and two daughters taped to the lid. The heat in her chest rose and the pressure increased. She didn’t know if she wanted to cry or vomit. She peeled the picture from the lid and stared at it. The oldest girl was probably in high school. The youngest was maybe in middle school. His wife had a smile almost as wide as the state of Texas, she was laughing at something. Had he taken this picture? Had he made them laugh right before he pushed the shutter? She could imagine their faces when they got the news now that she knew what they looked like. She could see the horror, the tears.

“Tess.” Someone said quietly from behind her. She blinked and realized that at some point she had sat down on the floor. She looked up to see Will standing above her with concern painted all over his face. She just looked back down at the picture. The fire in her chest was gone, replaced by a dull ache.

“When I get back…” Her voice cracked. “I’m going to go and see them. I’m going to apologize and I’m going to tell them what a great man he was.” Will nodded even though she wasn’t looking at him.

“C’mon Tess.” He held out his hand. “Get up soldier.” She took his hand and got to her feet.

“I gotta go through his box.” She stated.

“I’ll help you.” Will said taking the top tray out and setting it next to the box on the table. They went through each thing in the box, luckily nothing they came across was as personal as that picture. “Do you have to go through his bunk too?” Will asked as they closed the box with all Grange’s personals removed.

“No, his bunkmate will.” She sighed and ran her hand over the box.   
“C’mon. You gotta stop thinking about this for a while.”

“What?”

“We are going to get our drink on.” She snorted a little.

“’Get our drink on’?” She mocked him.

“Yup. You, me, and Sanborn.” He started walking out of the garage and she followed.

“Sanborn?”

“He was deployed with Grange. Knew him well enough.” She followed him into his bunk where she sat down on the table at the end of his bed. He took out a bottle of whiskey and took a swig, passing it to her as he swallowed.

“Whiskey…”

“What, you don’t like whiskey?”

“More of a vodka girl myself.”

“Straight?” He asked as she took a swig.

“Sometimes… You know they make that shit in whip cream flavor?” she asked him and he chuckled.

“Whip cream? You are such a girl!” She passed the bottle back.

“Shut up James.” There was a knock on the door and before James could even get up to answer it Sanborn invited himself in.

“Taylor.” He said with his arms open. She suspected he was already a little drunk, mostly because of the bottle in his hand. She stood up and gave him a quick hug.

“Did you know him well?” She asked him as she sat back down on the bed next to Will so Sanborn could have the table. She took the whiskey out of Will’s hand and took another swig.

“He was my mentor a little while before we were deployed together.” He took a drink from his bottle. “Met his girls when we shipped out… and his wife… that is one good woman.” He chuckled a little and then paused. “She’ll stay strong for those girls. She’ll have to play both parents now.” Tess stole the bottle back from Will who had lifted it from her while Sanborn was talking. They talked and drank and talked and drank and before she knew it they were all very drunk and apparently very loud because Regina busted into the bunk to find them attempting to play some form of basketball with a tennis ball and a plastic cup. At first she looked very annoyed but then she marched over to Sanborn, slamming the door shut behind her and snatched the bottle out of his hand.

“The last couple of days have been long, and we lost a good man.” She looked around at them and held it up. “To Grange.” She clinked bottles with Will and they both took a drink before she gave it back to Sanborn who took a lengthy swig and Tess stole the bottle from Will for the hundredth time that night and took a sip before plopping down on the bed. As she did her foot hit something under the bed and she leaned forward slowly to pull it out from its hiding place. 

“What’s this?” She asked slowly the alcohol weighing on her speech. Will sat down next to her as Sanborn and Regina continued with the makeshift basketball game. 

“Stuff that almost killed me.” 

“Lovely thing to keep hanging around.” He snorted. She sifted through it; wires, switches, transceivers, circuit boards, pieces of cell phones, timers. “You know what all this stuff does?” She asked a little stunned.

“Every bit.” She poked through it and eventually got to the bottom where she saw a ball bearing chain. Pulling it out she found a ring threaded on it.

“What does this bit do?” The alcohol blowing away any form of privacy that might have crossed her mind.

“Confuses the hell outta me.” He responded, flicking the ring on the chain.

“Do you love her?” Will stared at the ring as it swung back and forth.

“I think I did once, but now…” He took a drink from the bottle. “I don’t think I really know how to.” He didn’t say it for sympathy. He stated it more like he was making a discovery. 

“Just her or…” Tess paused and Will looked over to her “Or everything?”

“Everything.” He looked away and finished the whiskey. As Tess and Regina stumbled back to their bunk that night Tess kept replaying what he said over and over. She hoped that the amount of alcohol coursing through her system would wipe out the conversation while she slept, but she guessed it would still be there in the morning to mingle with the dark cloud that had been there since Grange was killed. Its not that she was hoping he would ever love her, because she didn’t love him, but the statement itself, the idea of a person not being able to love anything and just muddling their way through life made her feel sick.

“Regina?” 

“Mmm-hmm?” 

“Tell me that you love something.”

“I love my boyfriend back home.” She paused and thought “And I love my cats, and my parents. I love my brother and my niece…” She paused before draping her arm around Tess “And I love the heck outta you!” She laughed and Tess pushed her off. 

“You are drunk!”

“As a skunk!” Regina replied. “Tomorrow is gonna hurt.” They stumbled into their bunk and didn’t even bother changing as they both collapsed on their cots ending day 105 of Tess’s tour.


	8. Chapter 8

(Will James P.O.V.)

They strapped… no… padlocked the bomb to this guy. What kind of sick psychos are they?

Will looked at the time decreasing on the watch as Sanborn ran to get the bolt cutters. The man kept mumbling in Arabic, probably trying to plead with him, trying to make Will save his life. The radio crackled again.

“He says please, I have a family,” The translator told him for the fourth time in the past five minutes. An image of his son flashed in his mind and he squeezed his eyes shut quickly. 

Will counted the padlocks and started running the numbers. Two minutes on the timer and Sanborn was still getting the bolt cutters. This was nowhere he wanted to be. So why was he here? He took the bomb out of the kid instead of blowing the place, and now he was trying to save this guy. One guy.

“What am I, a humanitarian?” He mumbled to himself as he slowly made his way around the guy, trying to find a faster way to diffuse the bomb. Them man’s words were coming faster and he could see him shaking. He placed a hand on the back of the guy’s head. “It’s okay, you’re alright, you’re alright.” Not that the guy could understand him. It sounded like he was praying now. Sanborn Showed up with the bolt cutters.

“Man, you weren’t kidding.”

“Nope.” Will said through gritted teeth as he tried to cut one of the padlocks. “What are these made out of?” They were barely giving. 

“That’s case hardened steel.” Sanborn said after he inspected one. No wonder the damn thing wouldn’t budge. These bombers really had their shit planned out.

“We need a torch.”

“We don’t have one of those in the fucking truck, man. This guys a dead man! Just leave him!” Sanborn was loosing it. 

“No, wait, I can figure this out.” Will said as he went through every possible trick of the trade he had and was still coming up dry. “We don’t have enough time Sanborn, We don’t have enough time.” He went back to trying to cut the bolts off. He hadn’t felt this helpless in a long time.

“We’ve got a minute and a half, man, we have to go.”

“Get out of here Sanborn.”

“No, come on man, leave him!”

“Sanborn, I’ve got the suit, just go!”

“James!”

“GO!” He started cutting off another bolt and this one gave. “Alright, that’s one.” He could hear Sanborn yelling for everyone to get back. This blast was gonna be huge. He looked back at the watch. 45 seconds. He had nothing left. “I swear if you are the next person to go I will fall apart and never forgive you.” He could hear Tess in his head like a ghost. Damn it!

He kneeled down in front of the guy he was supposed to save and started apologizing. “There’s too many locks, do you understand, There’s too many locks, I’m sorry.” The words were flying from him and at this point it didn’t even matter that they didn’t speak the same language, the man understood what was going on. He took his hands from behind his head and started reaching for Will. “You understand? I’m sorry! I’m Sorry!” He turned and started running. Now there was nothing in his mind but getting out. No Tess, not his son, just him and the soon to be deadly explosion behind him.

When he heard it detonate he turned in time to catch the explosion in his chest. It knocked him off his feet, the air out of his lungs, and his face straight into his helmet. The next thing he knew he was flat on his back staring up at… a kite?

Who in the name of God was flying a kite? Was he home? No, still here in Afghanistan… and someone was flying a kite in what had to be less than half a click from a bomb that just went off. He had seen a lot of things here, but that was new. 

He layed there watching the kite for… he didn’t know how long, before a medic showed up and started talking to him. He blinked a few times and looked from the kite to the medic. He knew he was talking because his mouth was moving but Will couldn’t hear a damn thing the guy was saying. It all came through like he was underwater with his ears stuffed with cotton. He tried to shake his head, but the helmet wouldn’t let him. Instinctivly he reached up to try and take it off. The thing that had just saved his life now felt like it was trying to suffocate him. The medic saw him reaching and helped him out of the helmet.

Eventually they got him on his feet and out of the suit. His hearing was coming back and the medic had given him the OK. As he walked back to the truck he felt a little angry. Not that a man had just died, well maybe a little bit of that, but because he didn’t figure out the puzzle. He couldn’t figure out how to stop the bomb. He didn’t like it when he lost to something he spent his life doing. He got in the truck and slammed the door shut hard. Sanborn was in five seconds later and they drove off back towards base. 

“Can you tell me why I am the way I am J.T.?” Sanborn just shook his head and stared out the windshield. Will turned the humvee down another sidestreet and a thought struck him. For a greenie this would be terrifying. Roadside bomb could be anywhere, snipers on the roof. A few kids started running next to the vehicle, pelting it with rocks and yelling things. To Will this was just another day, just another drive down just another street. He might as well be driving around at home, he was so used to it. He had gotten used to war.

He took a hit from the Gatorade to try and clear the sand out of his mouth and throat and remembered how much it used to bug him on his first tour, how it got everywhere. But he was used to that too, not that he enjoyed it, but he was getting used to it… Not that he really enjoyed much of anything anymore, except for maybe the adrenaline rush of being on a job.

I’m turning into a machine he thought, and felt nothing.

When they got back to base Will got checked out at the med building and was left with nothing to do so he decided to go and bother Tess. The garage was in full operation and he had to look under a few vees before he found her.

“Hey!” He yelled over the din. She shifted a bit and squinted at him from beneath the truck.

“What’s up?” she yelled back and returned to what she was working on.

“Bored!”

“Mech. Crew only, James!” She yelled back with a grin on her face. He just shrugged at her. “I’ll let you stay if you help me out!” He nodded at her. “Grab me that oil pan!” He turned to where she was looking and retrieved it, sliding it under the truck to her. “Thanks!” She shifted over and placed the pan where she had been and reached up into the guts of the truck. Will watched as she strained at the cap trying to get it off.

“Want me to come under there?”

“Don’t pander to me, James!” She gritted her teeth. “Come on, baby!” She put all the force she had behind it and the cap finally let go as Will watched the recoil in her arm. “Good girl.” She breathed.

Unscrewing the cap she let the oil drain into the pan. She shuffled out from under the truck and Will threw her a rag.

“Thanks a lot.” She said wiping her hands. Her shirt was disaster and her hair was a mess. She pushed some out of her face and consequentially got motor oil on her face. Will chuckled at her.

“What?” She asked.

“Just trying to image you as a housewife.” She squinted at him.

“Taylor!” One of the guys yelled from across the garage. She threw the rag at Will and walked off. Will followed.

“You seem busy.” He said when he caught up.

“I’m acting head of the garage until they replace Grange.” She sighed. “Which I hope will be soon. They stopped in front of a humvee where two privates were arguing. “What’s going on?”

“She threw a serpentine belt.” One private said. She eyed them.

“That’s not really something to argue over.” She looked under the hood to confirm the problem. Sure enough the serpentine belt was completely gone. “So what’s the problem?” She said looking back to the men.

“Nothing Sir.” The younger of the two said. The other rolled his eyes.

“You got a problem private Roff?” She said reading off the name on his chest. He was at least two heads taller than she.

“Just don’t like having to check in with butch ass little—“ He didn’t get to finish his sentence before Will hit him with a right hook to the jaw. After a moment of shock she turned to him.

“I would have handled that…” She said. He just shrugged and she shook her head. Roff picked himself up off the floor and the other private tried to hide his smirk. “Go get a serpentine belt from the hold, Pvt. Roff.” She said.

“Yes Sir!” He yelled before running off towards the back of the garage.

“Good work private.” She said to the other before turning to survey the rest of the garage. No one looked particularly lost or frazzled. “She’ll take a while to drain.” She said nodding to the truck she was changing the oil on. “You hungry?” Will shrugged.

They sat down at the mess hall and Tess dug into her food like a caveman, oil still on her cheek. Will shook his head at her. “We’re going to have to train you to be a lady again before we put you back in society.”

“Who said I was ever a lady?” She replied with a smile. “’Sides, I haven’t eaten since six in the morning. I’m starving.” She took another bite. “Saw you guys were out today…”

“Yeah.” Will replied without much enthusiasm. “Forced suicide bomb.”

“Wouldn’t that be a murder bomb?” Tess replied after thinking about it.

“Guess so.” He was quiet. She looked him over and noticed his nose was bruised.

“Didn’t go so hot, did it?”

“Couldn’t get it off him. There had to be at least six padlocks.” He took a drink. “and he had four kids.”

Tess gritted her teeth and forced down the rest of the food in her mouth. Her stomach twisted. “Why is it that I always have to hear about these things when I’m eating?”

“Sorry.” Will said sheepishly “Didn’t think about it.”

“It's alright.” She continued eating, but with much less zeal. “You’re going home in a few days aren’t you?”

“In a week.”

“You don’t look to excited.” His gaze drifted from her face to the dog tags that hung from her neck. He reached across the table and wrapped his hand around them. 

“I don’t know if I can leave these here.” He said. She watched his face and there was barely any trace of emotion there. “I don’t know if I can be a citizen again.” He let go of her tags and she thought about what he said. He was right. They had all changed, seen things they could not unsee. Even as she sat there she could sense a dulling of her emotions.

“You’re not the only one.”


	9. Chapter 9

One week later Tess and Will stood in front of the garage. Will had his bags packed and they sat at his feet. The truck to take him and a few other men to another base where they would be flown out and back to the U.S. was at the gate.

“How many days left?” Will asked her.

“47.” She said and reached into her pocket. “Here, in case you ever want some company while you’re trying to become a citizen again.” She handed him a card. “Once I get back, of course.” He looked it over and found a phone number and e-mail address from the states as well as the number for the base. “Just, ya know… If you ever want to come see the ocean, or something.” She said awkwardly.

“Thanks Tess.” He smiled but it wasn’t a full smile and it only lasted a second. “I’ll come see the ocean. Meet your brother. All that, when you get back, ok? You keep your head down and don’t do anything stupid.” He felt like he was doing something wrong, leaving her here, but she was here without him before, and she wasn’t his responsibility in any way. He still felt wrong.

“Hey, don’t worry about me, alright? I’ll see ya when I get home. It’s a couple of months, no big deal.” He nodded and looked over at the truck. “Get gone, Will. Say hi to the states for me.” He picked up his bags.

“Bye Tess.” He gave her an awkward one-arm hug and then turned without another look and went towards the truck. He never liked goodbyes. Neither did she. He threw his bags in the back of the truck and was about to get in when he heard a dull thunk. It sounded like something heavy had been dropped from a long way off. But there shouldn’t be any activity like that around here.

“Mortar! Four o’clock!” Two seconds later the whistle of the mortar could be heard and Will ducked behind the truck as the explosion rocked the base. After the dust died down he looked out to find the round had struck the middle of the roadway right between the garage and the med building. The explosion was so loud that he lost his hearing for the second time that week. A thought hit him. Was Tess back in the garage? He took off from behind the truck to look for her, ignoring protocol that he had learned for situations like this one. As he ran his hearing started to come back. He could hear people yelling orders but no one confronted him. Some shots were being taken over the walls and so far he did not hear another mortar blast.

He stopped at the blast site and looked towards the garage. The dust was still pretty heavy and he started making his way carefully forward. “Tess!?” He called. No one answered. “Tess!” As the dust started to clear he could make out the door of the garage. A few men were stumbling out of it but Will ignored them, because he saw a body slumped against the wall of the garage. His chest tightened. “Tess?” He ran over to her and kneeled next to the body. It was her. She was slumped on her right side, bent at a right angle at the waist. Her left side was covered in spots of blood that were growing before his eyes. He put two fingers to her neck to check for a pulse. It was there, but erratic. “Medic!” He yelled over his shoulder, but everyone was running in every which way and he could see people already streaming into the med building. “Shit.” He turned back to her. “Tess? Can you hear me?” He tried to move her so he could pick her up, but he eyes sprung open and she immediately tried to move.

“Ahhh! Jesus!” The pain that was coursing through her torso was nothing compared to when she was shot.

“Whoa. Hold on.” Will said as she tried to sit up again.

“Will? What the, AH! Hell happened?” She was dizzy from the pain. “Aren’t you supposed to be gone?” She was confused and the back of her head hurt too, a dull dark pain to contrast the angry screaming pain in her torso.

“We got to get you to med.” He said almost to himself. “Tess. Tess!” He had to yell to get her attention because she was drifting off. She looked at him slowly. “I’m gonna pick you up, ok? This is gonna hurt but I want you to stay awake, alright? Do not clock out on me.”

“Not goin anywhere James.” She said quietly. He nodded. He moved her legs without much consequence but when he put his arm around her back she yelped in pain.

“Shit.” He breathed. He was just going to have to do it quick. He put his arm under her leg and tightened his arm around her back. “One, two, THREE!” He stood up with her and she screamed. He immediately turned to the med building and walked as fast as he could while carrying her. “Move, move!” He yelled at the men standing around the med building door. They parted. As far as he could tell from looking at the guys Tess was doing a lot worse then a good portion of them. When he got in the med building he saw Regina holding up an IV bag as the doctor looked at a man who was bleeding pretty bad from the head. “Regina!” He yelled to her and her eyes snapped up. They widened when she realized it was Tess. 

“Over there on that bed!” She pointed. “What’s wrong?” She called to him.

“Shrapnel!” He replied and placed her on the bed. Seconds later a doctor was on her and a few nurses were nudging him out of the way. He tried to hang around, but another nurse got in front of him and ordered him out. He took a few steps back watching as they cut off Tess’s shirt. When they started pulling the bits of shrapnel out he turned and walked out of the med building. He had to do something else or he was gonna bust back in there.

Near the truck there was a small group forming and he jogged over to it just in time to catch the last of what the commanding officer was saying. “We need men up on the perimeter wall at all times. Men who were going to ship out today stay within the base, we drive out when order is restored. Help with cleanup and damage reports and perimeter monitoring. Move!” Will turned around and looked at the wall, the east side looked space so he jogged over and took position between two other guys. He shifted his gun, which had been slung around his back and flipped of the safety. Holding the scope to his eyes he surveyed the east horizon for any form of movement. The mortar had come from the North, the city was West. East and south were nothing but dessert. A minute or two later Sanborn found him.

“And here I thought I was gonna go home today.” He said as he set up his gun.

“Tess got hit.” Will said.

“What?”

“Shrapnel caught her in the side. She’s lucky she’s not dead.” 

“That girls got some kind of luck.” Will thought about the two times she had been hurt. The first time she was somewhere she usually wasn’t and the other was because of a full out attack on a base where, at the time, she could have been anywhere: in the garage, in the mess hall, anywhere, but she had been right next to the blast. 

“Or just the opposite.” Will responded. Sanborn was about to respond when they were distracted by a couple of humvees making their way across the dessert towards where the mortar had come from. There hadn’t been any more fired and no foot assault had been launched on the base. Will guessed it was a small insurgent group and that they were long gone by now. They had made a lucky shot. 

The humvees bumped along the road and Will watched them through the scope tracing ahead of them along the road. He stopped short when he saw a hump of something next to the road. Was it a man, or a bunch of garbage? “Firing one shot, friendly!” He yelled and then let a bullet fly towards the lump. He saw the dust rise next to it and the lump started to move. Shit.

“Stop the convoy!” He yelled and turned to the man next to him. “You have a radio?” The man pulled it off his belt and handed it to Will. He pushed in the button and started yelling into it. “Man on the side of the road approximately 2 clicks in front of convoy does anyone copy?” He turned to Sanborn who was looking through his scope.

“I see him but with distance like that we might need a sniper.” He squeezed off a few rounds. The man whose radio he had taken had jumped off the wall and started running towards the commanding officer. “They’re not stopping Will!”

Will switched the radio to all frequencies and repeated his message. “Man on side of the road one and a half clicks in front of convoy. we need to stop the convoy. Over!” There was a buzzing and then a man responded.

“Repeat, over!”

“Stop the convoy. I repeat, stop the convoy there is a man—” He was cut off by a load explosion. He snapped his head back to the road to see that one of the humvees had exploded and the other one had stopped behind it. He watched as sparks of light came out of the top of the second humvee and the lump on the side of the road started running. By the time the pops of the gun reached his ears the man was down. The radio crackled again.

“We have men down, I repeat, men down, send out a vee with medics. We also have an injured Hadji.” Will cursed.

“Keep an eye on it.” He said before tossing the radio to Sanborn and making his way to the med building. When he entered he immediately found Regina. “One of the Humvees got hit.”

“We know, were already prepping a team.” She said. It was absolute chaos in the med building.

“Can I do anything to help?” He asked. Regina looked around.

“Stay out of the way…” She glanced over at Tess “Keep an eye on her.”

Will moved over to her bed and listened to the heart monitor beeping. She was alive; he focused on that because at this point he felt like he was being pulled in more directions than he could handle. He was supposed to be gone, Tess was unconscious and injured, the base was attacked, he had been too late on calling in the IED. It felt like everything was going to Hell and he couldn’t figure out whether he wanted to stay or leave.

He was staring at the IV in her arm when he heard her voice. It was quiet and a touch hoarse, like someone waking up out of a long sleep. He could barely hear her over the commotion in the med building.

“James, why are you still here?” He looked up to her face, her eyes barely open from the drugged sleep. “Mommy told you it was time to get out of the sandbox.” Her humor was still intact even if her body wasn’t.

“Nothing holds you down does it?” He smiled. She tried to smile back but it didn’t work so well. Sanborne stepped up next to Will.

“Captain decided we’re out in ten.” He turned to Tess. “Good luck, Taylor, we’ll see you on the home side. Get better, a’right?”

“Thanks Sanborne.” She replied quietly and he left the med building after a quick goodbye to Regina.

Will gently touched Tess’s bandaged arm. He must have looked worried because she said:

“I’ll be fine, Will. I’ll be home before you know it and we can play the citizen game.” He moved the hair off her forehead as her eyes started to close, the drugs taking over again. She garbled out something about him seeing his son and then her breathing slowed, her eyes shut.

“Bye Tess.” He leaned down and kissed her forehead before grabbing his gun and moving tot eh truck. Five minutes later he left the camp for the last time.


	10. Chapter 10

Two weeks later Tess was up and about, but not quite back to work even though she could work if she wanted to. All her limbs were operational and she was healing nicely from the shrapnel wounds, but command was trying to figure out if she should be sent home with only one moth left on her tour. Meanwhile, she was stuck in limbo with Regina telling her not to work because she wasn’t fully healed and “I know you, girl. You’ll lift something heavy and start bleeding all over again and I don’t want to patch you up a second time.” So she bummed around between the med. Center, Garage, and her bunk to pass the time.

One day she was walking into the med. Center when Regina turned a young Private around to face her. He handed her a paper saying “Sgt. James told you to call him at this number Ma’am.” She took the piece of paper and saluted the Pvt. as he left.

“Sgt. James, huh?” Regina said skeptically, eyeing Tess. She still didn’t like the man all that much, even if he had saved Tess’s life.

“This is a base number…” Tess said staring at the paper. “He’s supposed to be home…”

“They do need a lot of bomb techs. He could have been re-deployed already, you know how they bounce those guys around.”

“I’m checking this out.” Tess left the med. Center and walked over to comm. She signed her name on the list, marked it base-to-base call and picked up the phone. After two quick rings a man’s voice answered on the other end. “Camp Eagle.” He stated in a gruff voice.

“This is Sgt. Tess Taylor calling for Sgt. Will James.” She said curtly.

“Please hold.” Was his response. It was a good ten minutes before he come back on the line. “Sgt. James is out. You calling from Camp Victory?”

“Yes Sir.”

“Reason for calling?”

“I was told to contact him.”

“He’ll get back to you.” Then the line clicked off. She put the phone back and walked to the med. Center. She was lost in thought when she hit the building. Why was Will back in the sandbox? Did they really call him back that quickly? Had he volunteered? How long was his tour?

“Tess?” She started and looked up at Regina. “So, what did he say?”

“Nothing, he was off base. He’s gonna call back.” She said quietly, distracted.

“I’m sure he’ll be fine.” Regina said going back to sweeping the floor. “He’s a big boy he can handle himself.” She paused, “Sorta.” Tess smirked and sat down on one of the beds. She ended up sleeping there until someone shook her awake. Regina looked down at her in the dimly lit room.

“Guess who’s on the phone?” Tess sat up and practically ran out of the building. She blew through the door of the comm. building and grabbed the phone from the only man there.

“James?” She practically yelled.

“Hi to you too.” His voice sounded small on the other end, but she could hear it’s cocky edge.

“What the Hell are you doing back here?!” She said hotly. She realized now that coming back here and putting himself in harm’s way again instead of staying home had really pissed her off.

“Citizen’s life isn’t for me, Tess.” He replied, cockiness gone.

“Will, if you stay in this game, you’re going to spiral out.” There was a pause from his end.

“I was spiraling out quicker at home.” She swallowed.

“How long are you at Eagle?”

“A year.”

“A YEAR?” The words hit her like a sledge hammer to the chest. She could feel her blood pressure rising. The stiched up holes in her side started to throb, but she didn’t pay attention.

“I’ll be alright.” Tess bit her lip. “I swear. No hot shot moves, remember?”

“You’re the one who has to remember.” She said quietly trying to calm down.

“I will,” He said strongly, “And then we’ll both be back home.”

“You better be.”

“I can handle myself, Tess. You’re worrying too much.” He paused. “How’s the side?” She snapped out of her sulking mood.

“I’ve been meaning to thank you for that, for saving me.”

“You’re welcome.” She could hear him smile. “Are they shipping you home?” He asked.

“No word yet. I’m in limbo.”

“How’s that treating you?”

“It sucks.” He chuckled. “Regina won’t let me do any work.”

“Tell her I say lighten up.”

“Sergeant?” The Private at the desk caught her attention.

“Yes?” He nodded at her side. She looked down and saw her jacket spotted with blood.

“Tess?” She didn’t say anything and just focused on the blood and the sudden realization that she was in pain.

“Regina was right.” Tess finally replied.

“What?”

“I’m bleeding I must have… popped a stitch.” She said distractedly.

“Go.” Will ordered her.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright.” He said quickly. “Go to med.”

“You stay safe Will, You hear me?”

“I will. Please, Tess, go, you’re scaring me.”

“Bye Will”

“Bye Tess.”

“I love you.” She punched the end button and threw it at the Private before hobbling towards med. As she stepped through the door she called into the dim center. “Hello?”

Regina rose from her desk in the corner. “Tess why are you back here?”

“Do you live here or something?” She replied to Regina as she shuffled over to a bed. “I think I popped a stitch.” She started to sit down when Regina grabbed her arm.

“No! Don’t sit, let me see.” She pulled up Tess’s shirt and inspected the damage. “You popped two. What the Hell were you doing?” She started helping Tess out of her jacket.

“I was yelling at Will, that jerk.” She started to lie down so Regina could fix her stitches when she suddenly bolted upright and grabbed Regina’s shoulders.

“What?” Regina said in surprise, eyes wide.

“I think I told Will I loved him.”

“You WHAT?”

“I don’t know!” She lay back down with a thunk.

“I can’t believe you? What did he say?”

“I don’t know. I hung up.”

“Oh, girl, you are a mess.”

“I know…” She draped her arm over her eyes as she felt Regina inject some local anesthetic. “I thought I didn’t love him.”

“Even I knew you were lying to yourself.”

“Guess so.” Regina chuckled.

“You’re laughing at me now?” Tess said in amazement.

“It’s just ridiculous!” Regina said starting to re-stitch her side. “I mean look at you. You have five sizeable holes in your side, not to mention the ones in your leg and arm all of which required around 30 stitches, you’re in limbo, the man you love is on another base for who knows how long, you’re an ungodly number of miles from home and you can’t even work at the job you love. Girl, you are the epitome of mess.”

“Thanks” Tess replied slowly after she was sure Regina was done.

“Welcome.”

In the next two weeks before she was sent back home Will called her three times. They never talked for long seeing as base-to-base calls were supposed to be restricted to military business only, but no one ever said anything.

During their last conversation, Tess knew she was going home in three days and that she probably wouldn’t talk to him before then.

“Happy to be going home?” He had asked and she smiled.

“For now it sounds like the best thing on the planet.” They agreed that he would call her because the military paid for calls home. He still had her number on the piece of paper she had scribbled her information on the day he had left. They never mentioned her ‘I love you’ slip and she assumed that he had hung up before he heard he say it.

When she got home she settled into the spare room at her brother’s house until she got squared away with a job to pay for her own place. She had wanted to call Will the next day, but they had agreed that he would call and knowing her luck she would probably end up calling while he was off base, or asleep. Being home distracted her for about a week before she got antsy.

“Camp Eagle.” It was the same gruff voice that had answered the first time she had called there.

“I need to speak with Sgt. Will James.” She stated.

“Hold please.” There was a pause of maybe two minutes before he came back to the phone. “It is listed that he is no longer with us. I’m very sorry ma’am.”

“What?”

“He’s gone, Ma’am. KIA. I’m sorry, there’s nothing else I can do for you.” With that the line clicked off. 

“KIA?” She said into the dead line before dropping the phone. What did he mean ‘KIA’? Had Will died? No, no way. He was fine, right? There was no way. Will was dead. Will was dead. She sank to her knees as her sister-in-law came up the stairs.

“Tess?” She kneeled down in front of her. “Tess, talk to me, what’s wrong.” She was too stunned to cry, to stunned to feel anything really.

“He’s gone.” She focused on the floor between them. “Will is dead.” She blinked and felt something warm on her cheek. Reaching up she brushed her hand across her face and it came away wet. She didn’t register that it was tears. Her sister-in-law was hugging her now, but she did not return it. She just kept listening to the gruff man’s voice echoing in her head

“He’s gone, ma’am, KIA.”


	11. Chapter 11

From the spare room she had been staying at in her brother’s house she heard the doorbell ring. She didn’t get up. She didn’t even move. She just stared at the wall. She heard footsteps and the door opening and voices, but she couldn’t make out what they were saying. Her brain filled in the spaces.

“Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?” She mumbled. “Vote for What’s his Nuts in November and do Hyde County a great service.” She would have scoffed if she had more energy. She heard the door close and the voices continued. Whoever it was it was someone they knew. Ever since she had gotten into this funk that she refused to call depression there had been many well-wishers and old friends coming around, but she didn’t want to see any of them, not now.

She heard footsteps coming up the stairs and a soft knock on the door. “Tess?” Her brother’s voice asked through the door.

“I don’t want to see them.”

“I think you might want to see this one.”

“No.” She heard him try the handle but the door was locked. “I can’t deal with it now.” She thought she heard footsteps back down the stairs but seconds later he spoke again.

“Tess, please open the door.” She was so furious that she forgot to unlock the door before she tried to open it.

“Damn it!” She cursed before twisting the little knob and throwing the door open. “Whoever it is they can just…” He mouth stopped along with most everything else because staring at her, trying to hide his laughter at her inability to operate a door, was none other than the problem himself.

“James? I… You…” He shook his head and pulled her into a hug before she could really process what was going on. “Pain in the ass.” All the stress she had been feeling left her in one giant rush. She leaned on him and then let her legs go all together figuring he could deal with it because she had dealt with his ‘death’ for the last three weeks. He slowly kneeled down, not letting her go.

“I’m sorry.” He said quietly.

“You better be.”

“They were moving me around and I couldn’t…” She just held him tighter.

“You’re alive, that’s the only thing that maters.” After a pause they parted.

“Of course I’m alive!” He said pushing her to arm’s length. “Why in the Hell would you think I was dead?”

“I called Eagle after I was home for a while and they told me you were gone! KIA Will!” She was holding back tears that sprung up after saying those words again. Even though he was right there in front of her she still felt the sting in her eyes and the tightening in her throat that had plagued her for three days before she shut down everything emotionally.

“There must have been some mistake… Jesus.” He brushed her bangs out of her face. “I’m so sorry Tess.” The pain on his face was like a punch to the gut. She didn’t want to see him sad or upset, or anything but happy. He was alive! Everything should be freakin rainbows and butterflies damnit! God she thought, I can’t handle this. She shook her head.

“I look a mess!” She exclaimed suddenly. She stood up quickly and started shuffling around her room, which was thankfully more pulled together than usual. Will got up and leaned on the door frame content with watching her move, how she picked things up and put them away, her hands deftly remaking the bed, listening to her voice as she asked him questions, not really waiting for an answer before saying something else. He just smiled and for the first time since he had left her broken and bleeding in the sandbox he felt a little more whole and warm.

“When did you get home?”

“About a week ago. Decided it was high time I paid you a visit.” He couldn’t keep the small smile from his face.

“I’m gonna…” She pointed at the bathroom and looked at the bundle of clothes in her hand. “You can sit.” She said pointing to the bed. “I’ll be out in a sec.” She hurried off to the bathroom and Will walked over to the desk next to her bed. There was a picture of her and her brother in a silver frame. He picked it up and sank onto her bed. They were laughing at something. The smile on Tess’s face was wider than he had ever seen, her eyes almost disappearing. Her hair was longer and framed her face. She looked younger, innocent. The war had changed her. He put the picture back down with clenched teeth.

“Alright.” She said coming back out of the bathroom. He didn’t even keep himself from staring as he got up off the bed. She looked so different from the woman he was used to on base and different from the girl in the photo. It was a mix of them both with an undercurrent of a haunted past. She was strangely beautiful.

“Tess, you look…”

“Like a wreck, I know. But you put me through Hell!”

“I was going to say beautiful.” He said with a sincerity so deep it highlighted the silence that followed. She looked down and back up.

“Lets go.” She brushed past him and out the door. She was starting to realize that being around Will here at home, without the war or distractions was going to be difficult. He had a woman back at his home and a son, people he was involved with. He couldn’t love her, not like she loved him. She didn’t need him too, but she wasn’t sure how to approach the situation either. Everything was so much different than war.

He followed her down the stairs and she re-introduced him to her family before they left the house. He followed her to the garage where a burnt orange Dodge Challenger 2009 was sitting in the shadows.

“Bet that’s yours…” Will said.

“What’s a girl without her car, James?”

“I missed you Tess.” He said with a smile. She just smiled back, not saying anything because there were so many things she wanted to say, but had no idea how to so it would probably just come out as incoherent noises because she was so confused. Instead she got in her car and started it up.

“Where are we going?” He asked.

“You’ll see.” She responded. They drove in silence, Tess gripping the wheel with both hands and Will watching the city go by out the window. It would have been a comfortable silence if Tess could stop herself from thinking about anything and everything involving her relationship with Will. She felt like a little schoolgirl again and she hated it. She had known this man for months and he had saved her life and now she was afraid to even say anything to him. This is absurd.

She turned the car into a parking lot between two buildings and got out of the car. Will followed her, but she did not wait for him and he had to jog to catch up. 

“Tess, we need to talk.”

“Ah ah!” She said holding up a finger to quiet him and then folding her arms back in front of her while continuing on towards the sand dune in front of them. She could smell the salt water already and apparently so could Will.

“You’re true to your word. If I come see you I get to see the ocean.”

They walked the boardwalk and the ocean came into view. They could see a storm brewing to the north, but the south skies were clear. The sun wasn’t too hot at this point in the fall so the beach wasn’t too crowded. Tess took a moment to just stand and look at the water, at the clouds and how they were building, how the little clumps of grass swayed on the dune and she calmed herself down. Will watched her with concern, not really knowing what she was doing, what was going on in her head. She stepped off the boardwalk and sat down in the sand. Will sat next to her.

“Tess…”

“I know! We need to talk.” She sighed. “Look, Will, there are multiple reasons why you and I shouldn’t be together, at all, ever.” He smiled and looked away at the ocean. “For one, you have people that you’re involved with, a son who needs you.”

“I’m leaving them.” He said shortly, playing with the sand between them. She furrowed her eyebrows and waited for him to continue. “Connie doesn’t need me. As much as she thinks she does, she doesn’t, and I’m just holding her back. She doesn’t understand what I’ve been through and I can’t explain it to her. And my son…” He paused. “He’ll be better without me too. I’d make a terrible father.” He said with a sad chuckle. 

“A son needs his father.”

“I know, but… look, with me out of the way Connie can go find a good man, someone who can be a father.” She wasn’t going to argue with him. It wasn’t her place. Tess sighed and went on to her other reasons.

“We’re both a mess.” She went on.

“So we’ll keep each other together. There is not another person on this planet that understands what we went through better than we know each other. I know where you’ve been hurt, I know who you’ve lost. And you know my mistakes and will understand the other ones when they come back to haunt me.”

“But you don’t love me, Will!” She said upset. She hadn’t even meant to say it really. Why was he fighting so hard for her if he didn’t love her? She didn’t think she needed him to, but she couldn’t see this working out very well if she loved him like she did without him reciprocating, without him understanding.

“I know, but I need you, Tess!” She swallowed. “Look, after I left and went to Eagle, I realized that you… I wasn’t the same without you around. I was slipping up, depressed, angry. It’s just, when you were around I felt… better. Connie can’t do that, she doesn’t understand.” Will threw a rock towards the water. He didn’t look back at her. “Look, I can understand if you want someone who can love you, but I’m willing to give us a shot. Maybe along the way…” Tess moved in front of him. “We’ll figure it out…” She leaned in and kissed him softly. Smiling she shifted into his lap and put her head on his shoulder. His arms came around her after a second and one of his hands gently covered the side with her shrapnel wounds. 

“I like this.” She stated plainly after a minute. “I could give this a shot.”

He kissed the top of her head and smiled because that warmth that he didn’t usually feel in his chest had started glowing there again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trololo Will's not dead. Congratz you read the thing. Thank you for doing so.


End file.
